Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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