I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
