Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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