Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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