maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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