Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
