New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
