is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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