I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
