I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My vagina is very pro this idea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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