I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
