I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
