I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize