Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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