Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
