trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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