If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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