aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
