Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
