Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
