Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
