lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
