It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
