just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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