I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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