I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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