Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
