My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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