it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
