I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
