I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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