There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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