1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
