He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
