just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
