Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
