i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
