Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
