Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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