my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
