There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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