this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
