saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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