when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
