is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
