If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
