she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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