apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
