Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
