I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
