Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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