I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
