I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize