plz talk dirty to me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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