Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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