whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You're like the curious george of whores
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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