beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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