His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
