Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
