i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
