Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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