I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
