i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize