there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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