All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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