I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
