Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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