ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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