Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
