i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize