dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
