so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How does one acquire holy water?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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