White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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