Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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