yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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