I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just invented taco cereal.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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