pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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